Some days i feel like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky.
I hate this disease, and yes i do truely believe hairloss is a disease. While not all hairloss victims suffer, a disease is listed as an abnormal condition of an organism that impairs bodily functions, and causes discomfort, dysfunction, distress and social problems. And my fellow hairloss victims can check all of the above.
Last year, my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years together. I honestly believe that it was due to my hairloss and her viewing me as becoming less attractive, I admit my confidence was slipping and i was going through a rough stage in my life, along with other issues in the relationship of course. She used to poke fun at me about it but i figured she didn’t really mind. However i guess i was wrong. I thought about it, and i really didn’t want to marry someone who would treat and or do that to another human being so that is the way i deal with it mentally. I am okay with it and at peace, I accept the fact that she was not the one for me, and I was better off without her in my life.
Ahh the single life. The single life for a 23 year old balding male is a task. The social scene for people my age consists primarily of people socializing at bars and such. So i tried it. But i soon gave up, I guess i just totally lost all of my confidence, which can be hard when you are trying to talk to a girl and all you can see and feel are her eyes creeping up to your receeding hairline! and then back down to your mouth, back up to your hairline and back down to your mouth. You start to wonder if she is really even listening to you, then before you even finish the conversation you just give up. I guess we live in really materialistic times, but this is the environment we are placed in, i didn’t ask for it to be this way. Trying to find a mate who really cares for you and accepts you for YOU can be hard these days i take it?
Well i’m not the suicidal type, although i have thought about it for a few minutes. I figure I’ll stick around because it can only get better right? Well i typically feel better about myself and life in general when i try to change the things around me that i don’t like. Thats one thing i believe in, Life is what you make it. I dont care for my crooked teeth so i thought that it would give me a little more confidence if i got braces to straighten them out (invisalign). I started excersizing and eating healthy consistantly. I also started making plans to head back to College and finish up my degree. I follow the HM forums every now and then (trying not to be obsessed with this site) and after some research i decided to give finasteride a try in an attempt to keep whatever hair i have left until the day HM may arrive.
I feel better about myself in general but every week is still an emotional roller coaster. Then out of nowhere i meet this awesome girl. I find her really attractive and she has all of the qualities that i look for in a woman. I’ve been talking to her for the past two weeks and things were going along smoothly, I invited her over lastnight to watch some movies (23 and apocolyptic). The movies are over and we start making out, i didn’t think this would happen but she really wanted me, so i took her to my room and we continued kissing and such. We are all adults here right? Because thats when it happened. Noodle D-i-c-k. Fucking 4 months of Finasteride. I could not get an erection to save my life. This was the most embarassing night of my life, and pretty much sums up the story of my life. I played it off and told her that it was because i really like her and i was just nervous. I tried to not make a big deal about it and she said not to worry about it. But you all know that it is stressing me out. I hope to tell her soon about the drug i am taking but honestly i prefer to forget about it all.
This is why i hate the current available hairloss products in this industry, they are all shit. Ever feel like you are sticking your thumb in a leak at the dam? Hairtransplants suck, topicals suck, and so does finasteride. Anyone who tells you there are no sides is lying or just too ignorant to notice them. I think my Hairloss is going to drive me insane, to the point where i just shave my head everyday and become a miserable fuck until i forget that i ever even had any hair at all. maybe then i will be happy and go on living my life like a normal person. BTW i have shaved my head before and i look hideous. But i’m not giving up, i just wish these Tissue engineering companies would man up and realize that it is unethical and cruel to play with peoples emotions, (misleading timelines) although Intercytex as a company is pretty honest. I won’t give up, i will move on… But there is still hope that one day this cloud will be lifted from my head, and from young people’s, old people, male, female alike. Maybe one day I will see you all at the party and meet everyone, have a few drinks, a good laugh and forget about all of this shit.